Monday, June 22, 2009

Whispers of Need

Today was a rough day for me. So many times, I enter into the orphanages with an excited attitude, but today I knew that I would be seeing faces that had been through so much. Today we visited a home in Antigua, Guate that houses girls ages 13 to 18. Children who are orphans sometimes still have a sparkle of hope in their eyes. Some, though definately not all or even most, still have that optimistic outlook on life. But teenage girls who have been in the system for years are not the same. They are tired of the same thing. They are entering into a confusing time of changes, life decisions, relationships decisions, and are beginning the rest of their life of the attitude formation. At this point in anyones life, one develops work ethic, self esteem, responsibility, and one decides how his or her past is going to affect his or her future.

These girls do not have mothers to help them with their first period. They don´t have fathers to tell them they are beautiful. They don´t have this security system at home. They do have 40 plus girls that they live with to compare themselves to. They have pasts that many are not healed from. Many have been in the system for what seems to them as forever, or have come in from the streets, bars, or abusive families.

As we entered into this orphanage, it was very different. In orphanages with children ranging from babies to 13 year olds, children usually run up to you and hug your leg, cutting off the circulation because they refuse to let go. Believe me we have been practically brought to our knees by these younger kids as they tackle us with hugs and kisses. But at this orphanage, when we came in, 3 girls gave us the formal greeting of a hug and a kiss, but after that we got blank stares from groups of girls.

As we began to spend time with the girls, they slowly began to open up to us. I spent time with a group of about 5 girls and as I painted their fingernails different colors, we began to talk. I learned that they were very bored with life. Many just did not have things to do at the orphanages. They kept asking me if I was married, and after I assured them that I was not, I asked them if they wanted to be married in the future. One girl looked at me and said very confidently, ¨no¨. Another girl explained that she already had a son. Her son did not live with her and she did not go into very much detail, but I could tell that she longed to be with her son.

As we kept talking, I shared with the girls that God truly cared about their lives. God saw their hurts and problems. God wanted to heal them. Trusting God with their lives is the only way to survive. People abandon us, but God doesn´t. We continued talking some more and I could see the girls faces softening and the akward tension between some of the girls softened and they had scooted in closer to sit next to me. One girl had her hand resting on my thigh.

As we left that morning, I embraced each of the 5 girls in our group and as I came to the last one, named Suimi, she would not let me go. She wispered into my ear, so that none of the other girls could hear ¨por favor ora por mi. Yo tengo muchos problemas en mi vida,¨which means, please pray for me, I have many problems in my life. I could hear the desperation in her voice and I knew that she really does want God to change her life. She wants God to heal her. She wants new life. I beg you to pray for her. Pray for healing from her past. Pray that the gospel of a broken and bleeding Jesus on the cross would change her. Pray that the gospel of Jesus rising from the dead would give her hope that God can concur her seemingly unsurmountable obstacles. Pray for God to show up in her life. Please Pray. Hear Suimi whispering in your ear, pleading for a doctor, a lover, a best friend, a personal defense attourney, a dad, a mom, a savior. Jesus, is after all, all of these things that she could ever need.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Windows of Hope

Tommorow will be our last day in Quetzaltenango. We have been here for 2 weeks and tommorow we will have to say good bye to the kids that we have been with for two weeks. None of us are looking forward to it.

This will be a short blog but I just wanted to give you a window into some of the beautiful moments that we have had at the government orphanage.

Each day we sing songs with the kids in the orphanages about Jesus and they love the songs. Yesterday I was sitting under the playground scape watching some of the other kids play futbol...which is an all day activity....and as I was sitting there with one of the special needs girls in a wheel chair, another special needs boy sat very close to me. I began to sing to the girl in the wheelchair and she immediately made eye contact with me and began to sing along in Spanish. The boy also began to sing with me and when I finished, he said sing more! So I asked him what he wanted to sing and we began to sing a song that we had sang earlier that morning. Also, today, it was cleaning day in the orphanage and as I was scrubbing the bars that surround the stairs so that kids do not jump of with a wet rag, the boy who had found me the day before picked up a rag and decided to help me. Surprisingly, he looked at me again and said, Sing! So we began singing. This was one of my favorite moments at the orphanage, as we scrubbed the bars and sang. He was actually a pretty good singer and remembered all of the words. Other children in the orphanage could hear him sining and another boy came over and helped us clean and also o began to sing. There is nothing more fulfilling that scrubbing bars with 2 little boys that are praising the Lord. This boy cannot do everything that the other kids can do, but he can praise his maker. When he loves people, he does so purely with no self motivation and that is one of the most refreshing things that I have ever seen.

Another time, I passed by the craft station and looked through the window. As I looked in I saw our team mates and little kids dancing their hearts out. I entered in the room it was one of the best times that I have had here so far. Every one was dancing and smiling. Around this orphanage, there is so much fighting between the kids because there is not as much discipline since it is one adult to every 15 or 20 kids. Imagine being in a family of 15 kids and having to share everything on your back. So for me to see these kids having a wonderful time and just dancing was also like a fresh breath of air.

This story is from one of the fathers that came from the individuals group. He was explaining to one of the kids that his daughter was with him at the orphanage. Just as it dawned on him that this might be a sensitive subject, considering the fact that these children do not have active parents in their lives, the child pointed upwards and said that his daddy was God.

Another time this week, I was sitting under the playscape with a girl upset about her family as a man with a Bible also sat around a group of kids. As I evesdropped into their conversation he began to talk to the kids about boundaries. He explained that even though these kids had boundaries and were essentially trapped inside of the 2 story walls with barbed wire at the top, they could be free in their hearts if Jesus was King of their hearts. He also explained that even though peope who lived outside of the walls were physically free to go and come as they wanted, many of them were trapped and living in walls in their minds and hearts because they did not have Jesus. It was so encouraging to see more and more kids gather around him and respond to what he had to say. I talked to him later and he explained that he and his wife ctually came to the orphanage several times a week to build relationships with the kids and share the love of christ with them. I am not exactly sure if he worked there, but it is so good to know that these kids getting constant attention from a father figure who cares about them and is actually reading the Bible to them and discussing their feelings and pasts on their levels.

Pray for us tommorow as we say goodbye. Pray for these kids that they would be free in their hearts just like the man explained. In Acts 17 it says that God has us all in places where we will seek Him. Even though many of these kids are in this orphanage, they are learning about Christ.
I am learning each day that even orphans who seem to have nothing, can have everything if they know their maker. It has been a severe test of my faith to trust these kids over to God. So many times I see their faces, there snotty noses, their dirty dipers, their scabs and scars and warts, their dirty fingernails, their lice, the barbed wire fences, their ripped shoes, their tears that go on for hours, their empty eyes, their balled fists ready to defend their territory, their look in their eyes that yearns for attention and I just ask, God where are you in this? But I have to trust that God loves them more than I could ever love them. God doesnt abandon us and sometimes what appears as abandonment is just Him letting us be in a position of need for Him. Sometimes we wouldnt seek God if we had not gone through hell on earth. Sometimes Gods way of showing mercy is by allowing us to experience unspeakable troubles so that we look to him and are able to spend eternity with him in unidentifiable glory and happiness. Mercy is not always apparent, but God is merciful. Pray for hope.

We have had another team of individuals with us this week at the governernment orphanage and they have been a true blessing. It has been wonderful to serve alongside of them and we have been so encouraged by their energy and passion. Pray for them as they home this week that God would continue to let this weeks events touch and shape their lives.

Thans for your prayers!!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Faces in Quetzaltenango











The mountain orphanage overlooks this beautiful view.

















Thursday, June 11, 2009

The beautiful mothers and fathers of the Xela Mountain Home

Today was a bright and encouraging day for me. Our group has been working with two orphanages while here in Xela(Quetzaltenango). A government orphanage in the morning and a family runned orphanage in the gorgeous mountains that surround Xela. I will talk more on the first orphanage at a later time but I first want to begin with a glimmer of hope, as I feel like I have been very saddened for so much of this trip because of the despair I have seen.
Friends, I just want to begin by saying that Christians are beautiful. So many times, I look at the Christian world and ask, ¨How are we different from the world?¨ What do we contribute? Where can I look to see an example of someone who is giving all up to live for the gospel of love, hope, and redemtion.
Well today, I was extremely humbled. Some of the other girls on my team and I were helping in the kitchen after the 70 plus children ate their lunch. I wish you could see this beautiful scence of these kids all eating together. Small and older all in the same room, with colorful cups and quiet voices. It is unlike anything that I have ever seen. These children at this orphanage have been taught discipline and the love and fear of God and it is even evident in the way that they eat together. I know this might seem strange, but it was one of the most striking things to peer through the window and see a calm sea of beautiful faces smiling, eating and waving back at me. Anyways...back to the dishes and cleaning part of this story. As we were drying the hundreds of dishes that had been all washed by hand, I began to engage in conversation with one of the ¨mothers¨of the home. I began to just ask her simple questions and this is what I learned. Each lady who worked here was a cook, a full time mother responsible for 7 to 10 orphans, a full-time teacher and a mentor to each of these students. I asked one lady how many hours she spent in the kitchen and she said very calmly, five. Five hours!!!! They try to take one day off from work each week to rest, but if they children need them, they do not take their day. This was said without a hint of complaining but out of a pure matter of fact explanation. Each lady, or man(there are a few male ¨dads¨) that are responsible for the older boys live in the same room with the children, sharing their space, privacy and personal time every day. every day. They pour out their lives for their children. They have given up their own prospects of money, power, for some relationships with possible spouses, and time. They have not withheld ANYTHING from these children. They have EXHAUSTED THEIR OWN RESOURCES SO THAT THE GOSPEL OF CHRIST WILL PREVAIL. And let me just say that it is EVIDENT beyond a shadow of doubt that the lives of 70 plus children have been changed for ALL OF ETERNITY.
You see the difference in this orphanage and the other ones that we have been to is that it is not a job for the workers.....it is their life. The end. ¨What do you do?¨ ¨I exist so that children will have a mother and a father and learn of the love of Christ?¨ If they could describe their existence in one sentence(which they wouldn´t anyways because of their humility) This would be it.
I talked later to another orphanage ¨mom¨ who was responsible for the toddler boys. I asked her how long she had been there, and she responded ¨five years.¨ I asked her if she ever wanted a family of her own and if she wanted to be married, and she shrugged her shoulders and smiled. Complete trust in God. Complete joy and satisfaction and trust in who she was in him.
One of my friends on my team today said that to trust God as shepard was ¨to not worry about our own needs because we know that Christ has them covered. When this is in check, then we can spend all of our efforts on the needs of others.¨ This is the example that Jesus put before us when he denied his own fears of the cross and died for us in our place, trusting that Father that His will was better. Not my will but yours. AS a result of Jesus´ trust in the Father, we have access to eternal salvation and a relationship with an incredible God here on earth and after death in heaven if we accept Him. These beautiful ladies live out the gospel.
I can confidently say that these children are living proof that when one sacrifices his or her life for the gospel of love and redemption through Jesus Christ, peoples lives are restored and hearts are changed. These children all have aspirations. 7 year olds are learning to read and write. Little girls have dignity. Older girls are responsible. The boys are polite and do not hit the other kids like in the other orphanages. THESE CHILDREN ARE NOT ANGRY CHILDREN. These children know the word of God. What a beautiful place. What a place of sacrifice and yet so much blessing.
Please pray for these orphanage ¨moms¨and ¨dads¨for strength, conviction and health. They are servants and will be so blessed. Pray that the other orphanages would soon have workers that are Christians who love children with the Love of Christ. The difference is so evident in their eyes, faces, studies, bodies, they way that they relate to each other, and even in the way that they eat.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Need in Quetzaltenango

Today we went to an orphanage in Xela or as the locals call it, Quetzaltenango, a beautiful city found in the high altitudes of the western mountains. As we entered into the walled orphanage, we were greeted with shouts of joy. One of the guys on our team had spent much time in this orphanage last summer and some kids were so happy to recognize his face and see him again.

First we went outback to the 2 story walled playground and were greeted by 30 screaming and fighting boys. They were everywhere. One boy, 14 moves around in his wheelchair and he recognized the leader of our group from last year. We were greeted with happy shreeks from him as he gave us hugs and held our hands firmly. One boy, about 8 jumped on my lap and didnt leave for quite some time. Several more small boys came over to me and we began talking. I asked him if he knew Jesus and he shook his head no. Please pray for me friends about the delivery of the gospel. My spanish at times is shaky. Please pray for diligence to study and for Spanish to come out with ease. I then walked around a bit and encountered 2 boys who were not playing with anyone. They did not smile and it was painful to see the hardness in their faces. They would not tell me their names, and the small boy who would not leave my side told me their names. When I reached out to touch one of the boys hands he recoiled. Pray for a softening of hearts, and pray that the guys on our team would really be able to touch these boys with Christs love.

After playing with the boys outside our group went inside to visit the baby and toddler section of the home. We walked through a tiny room with 30 to 40 bunk beds and an equal number of 8 year old to teenage girls. When we entered the toddlers room, we were greeted with kids that were wild!!! These little girls and boys were nothing like the ones in Zacapa, who for the most part were calm. These little ones could talk faster than radio announcers! We played hand clapping games, and held them in our arms as they yelled to take more photos. After some time, I meandered into the girls room with all of the bunks. I sat on the nearest bunk and the girls began to gather around.

This room reminded me of a submarine because of the tight spaces and I cannot imagine how much time that these girls spend in this room. As more and more girls began to gather, we all began to talk. They wanted to learn English words and it was hilarious to hear them try to make the American vowel sounds. We laughed a lot and soon we came down from the bed and went over to the place where most of the girls were. My eyes came across 2 girls, about 12 or 13 years old holding hands and caressing each other. In these homes, as in many prisons, because of the tight quarters and limited amount of exposure to other people, many girls become lesbians at very young ages. Just looking into the eyes of so many of these young girls you can see confusion, need for attention and a lack of hope. Pray with me for these girls that they will encounter Christ and trust in him as their hope and future.

I cant wait to spend the next 2 weeks with these kids, particularly these girls. We will be teaching Bible stories, playing games, sharing the message of Christ and loving these kids will all that we have. Please lift our team up in prayer. The names of the people on our team are Allie, Brandon, Clare, Jared, Molly, and Caroline. 2 of our interpretors are named Victor and Melissa. You prayers mean so much to me and even more to the kingdom of God! May God be with you as you are each in your own mission field that God has called you to.

Thursday, June 4, 2009


Today we left the orphanage after 4 days, one of the most difficult days for us. As we drove away, we could see arms and faces through the small fence holes. However even through the crying eyes and last hugs, it was so good to see God work in these children. Throughout the week we played games, taught Bible stories, and played futbol with these precious children. I have never had so many hugs before. What a blessed week! I thank the Lord for his allowance of letting us come to Zacapa, and willingly expect more in the weeks to come at different orphanages. Thank you for your prayers! If God says that even giving a cup of cold water to a child is good to do, then imagine how wonderful praying for them is.


God knows each child and loves them dearly. No matter how much we despair over the well being of these children, God cares for them so much more. Please join me in praying for them. Pray that they would know Christ crucified and raised up to sit at the right hand of God. Pray that they would know God as Father, sheppard, and friend.
Tato, stole all of our hearts this week.


Jared one of the guys on our team was never alone, and this is a common sight to see. The boys would fight over who was to play with him. When we left the orphanage after the week, we were all surprised that the 10 and 11 year old boys were the ones who were the most emotional and upset. Pray that Christ would be their father figure. They need it.

This is part of our team with some of the children from Hogar de Abrigo and Proteccion in Zacapa. This orphanage has over 60 kids mostly under the age of 12.

This is during one of our craft sessions but Tato got into the glue... The little girl on the left is one of the special needs children. Every day we came, she would race towards us and jump in our arms. I have never met a child who would be more content to hug and do nothing else.

The boy picking up the smaller boy is also one of the special needs children in the orphanage. He is picking up Francisco a boy who is very tough and sometimes fights with the other boys. However these two boys had a special bond. It is dificult in the orphanage because there are only so many care givers per child and discipline is something that is sometimes lacking. These particular orphanage workers were very very sweet and it was so evident that they were very loving of the children. It was encouraging to see the way that the orphanage workers loved these children each day. We come in for a small amount of time, yet these workers pour out their lives for the children day in and day out. Each child also knew of Jesus and could tell you the story of Jesus on the cross. Praise God!!This was so encouraging.



Two of my favorites ----Alan(left) and Tato(right)


Each of these toddlers have a story to tell if they could speak. Many of them have been through more pain than most people. Pray that as they grow they would have soft hearts open to the gospel. The were a joy to love, hold and play with.



The little girl in front is China, the one that I earlier blogged about. It was very difficult to say goodbye to her today through her tears.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

From Zacapa Guatemala.

Its just not right that China has to lay in bed in the sweltering heat with small bugs on her eyelashes like a horse or cow. It is just not right that she lays there caught between exhaustion from pain and intermittant wild scratching of her head to tame the lice. ITs not right that the bigger kid jumped on her and broke her leg and now is left on the bed crying endlessly. God be with this child. Oh God enact justice and and show her love. How else will she see love Oh God?

God its not right that Darwin sits beside the couch crying. His face crumpling up shedding tears of anguish and misery. God he is only nine years old and is dealing with so much more than any precious child should. God he keeps screaming ¨Quiero ir a mi casa, quiro mi mama¨ over and over and over again. All day long. When I was a child and misbehaved, my parents disciplined me thorugh love. Yet he misbehaved and his sister took him to the orphanage to live. To bad his love had conditions on it. God he cannot be consoled. Even the kids are trying to console him but is isnt working. And today is only day five of living here between these walls of this place. There are many more to come. God I can still hear him crying.

God what about the baby brought out of incest into the ophanage. The dad won´t even sign the papers to realease him for adoption, even though he never visits. God this world needs justice.

What about the baby found in a bar alone?

What about the babys found with their prostute mother while she was doing business by the local police??

God when will justice be served? When will they have a voice? God when will they know true love?

When a kid cries, mommy is supposed to come running. Mommy is supposed to come and pick her up and hold her and kiss her and tell her that she will love her no matter what.

God I am broken. God guard these children. Speak for them. Hold them in your arms. God heal them oh God. Lord they are demolished crushed and abandoned. Reach out to them. Extend your mercy. Hear there cries! Bring them new life through your son. God the older boys have hearts that are so calloused. You can see it in there faces and eyes. Even the babies blankly stare back at you with empty eyes of hopelessness. Jesus Christ is the only hope for them. Everyone else has abandoned them. Take out their hearts of stone and give them hearts of flesh.

God I trust them to you. God of all time, you know everything.

Many of them are a product of someones negligence, sin, lack of resources, desperation and are only seen as an obstacle or hinderance. Some of the parents are so needy and are broken that they cannot even provide for their own children. God be God. I am useless. God we are all products of sin which means we are broken and needy.

Soften their hearts and restore them. They are beautiful gifts from you.

Please please join me in praying for each of them.